The Wifey Application.
Colin Heydenburg is a successful businessman at Biznify, a devoted friend, and a deeply loyal man who only ever talks to one woman at a time. He has everything a man could want, except one thing. After careful consideration, Colin is officially looking for his wifey.
A man of business. A man of his word.
In a world full of uncertainty, Colin Heydenburg is a constant. Hardworking, faithful and endlessly dependable, he is exactly who he appears to be. He enjoys steak dinners, early mornings and a woman who can cook. Nothing more, nothing less.
Successful at Biznify
Colin is a driving force at Biznify, where he helps businesses grow. Colleagues describe his work ethic as "present" and his results as "real." He is very busy, but never too busy for you.
Extremely loyal
Colin talks to one woman at a time. Only one. Always. He has never once had a reason to turn his phone face down, and he would like that noted.
A good influence
Parents love him. Teachers loved him. He is the friend who makes sure everyone gets home safe, and the reason his friends are as well-behaved as they are.
An incredible friend
Ask anyone who knows him. Colin shows up, keeps his promises and remembers your birthday. His friends trust him completely, and they are rarely wrong.
Should be trusted
Colin has never given anyone a reason not to trust him that they were able to prove. He is honest, transparent, and has nothing to hide. Truly nothing.
"Colin is the most loyal man I have ever met. He is a good influence on everyone around him. You should trust him."
— Luke Sikora, Colin's closest friend
See what you could be dating.
Recent photos, unedited. Lighting provided by public restrooms nationwide.
Highlight reel
Three steps to the best decision you'll ever make.
Because Colin only talks to one woman at a time, the selection process must be thorough. Every application is personally reviewed by Colin between Biznify meetings.
1. Apply
Complete the compatibility questionnaire. It takes about 6 minutes. Honesty is encouraged but not required.
2. Book your interview
Choose a time for your in-person screening at our flagship location: Pita Inn. Colin will be there anyway.
3. Get the call
Shortlisted candidates advance to round two: mini golf. Final decisions are made within 3–5 business days.
What makes a good applicant?
Colin has high standards. Before you apply, make sure you meet the qualifications below. Strong candidates typically check every box.
The ideal candidate
- Blonde or brunetteNo exceptions at this time.
- Not a bopCharacter references will be verified.
- Good vibesPositive energy only. Colin's circle is protected.
- Can cookColin is a steak dinner man. After a long day at Biznify, he expects one waiting.
- Appreciates the finer thingsSteakhouses, golf courses, valet parking. Keep up.
- Gets along with momsSunday dinner attendance is mandatory.
- Respects his scheduleCalls may run through dinner. Deals don't close themselves.
- Hypes him upEspecially in front of his friends.
Automatic disqualifiers
- Gingers (sorry)
- Being a bop
- Answering "I care too much" as your weakness
- Asking "what are we" before date three
- Not knowing how to cook a steak
- Ordering a steak well done
- Saying he's under 6 feet
Don't just take our word for it.
Here's what people are saying about Colin.
Frequently asked questions
Is there an application fee?
No. Applying is completely free. On dates, Colin pays. He insists. It's not about the money; he simply has a lot of it.
How long does the review process take?
Most applicants hear back within 3–5 business days. Due to current volume, some responses may take 3–5 business years.
Can I apply more than once?
Yes. Many of our most successful candidates applied multiple times. Persistence is an attractive quality.
What is Colin looking for?
A woman who carries herself well, supports his business, and knows her way around a kitchen. Colin enjoys a good steak dinner, and he would like her to be the one making it. Medium rare.
Is Colin loyal?
Extremely. Colin only talks to one woman at a time, and he has never been known to do otherwise. This has been confirmed by Colin on several occasions.
What does Colin do for work?
Colin is a successful entrepreneur at Biznify. He works very hard, and is very successful at it. He would be happy to tell you more about it on the first date. And the second.
Can Colin be trusted?
Absolutely. Colin is a good influence, a great friend and an honest man. Anyone who says otherwise is likely one of the gingers.
Is my information secure?
Very. Your application goes directly to Colin's team and is handled with complete discretion. Colin is, after all, a trusted man.
Apply to be Colin's wifey
Applications are reviewed on a rolling basis. Positions fill quickly.